My brother, my sister and my dear friend: You are in charge of your life. You are Responsible for your Future. No one else but you. So, stop blaming GOD/others. Remember, You can't Fail without your Consent and You can't Succeed without your Participation [Matthew 6.33]. That's why GOD made Salvation, Blessings; Individual/Personal/Choice. Giving us Information/BIBLE, Freewill and Freedom to Choose and Decide [Ecclesiastes 7.29], [John 3.16], [Revelation 3.20], [Romans 10.9-10]. My friend, though men try to control us physically at times, NO man or devil can control our Spirit or Soul from Reaching/Pleasing GOD [Nahum 1.7]. NONE can Monitor/Control what WE Believe/Reason, except GOD [Jeremiah 17.10], [1 Samuel 16.7]. So, seek GOD. Be SAVED.